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My First Short Film

I love my roomates more than life itself. These people make me laugh so hard I cry....every single day.


Awwwwwww

I got a kittin!!!!!!!

She's a girl, but I've decided to name her Wallace. I figure I'm so used to having boy cats, that ill keep referring to her as him out of habit. Plus its not like she'll have lady parts anyway.


meet Wallace!Collapse )

Gabi, on Flying

I think its perfectly fine that I always think, "I'm giong to die," every time I fly. It's more than natural to recognize your mortality, your spindly bones, stringy muscles and whisps of nerves, and drip after tiny drip of your blood. All of that, shoved into a hulking mass of metal like a sardine, shortly before it hurdles off into the air, hundreds of thousands of miles in the air.
Now let us face it, your meager little body simply doesnt belong here. So if for some reason the big tin encasement proves faulty, you cant really get all nutty, you have to think, "well shit. I'm probably about to see some crazy ass shit, and then I'm going to stop living."

Seriously, if your plane wrecks, you should probably witness all the insane happenings. Remember that you might end up saying these things to yourself, Or maybe youll just say "oh fuck, before your blood starts churning and you passout.

My point is, the idea of flying in an airplane is simply preposterous. If you dont grasp how absurd flying is then you probably deserve to die.

What?!

Yes.

Progress!

mmmmm, 5 and a half hours Saturday
2 hours on Saturday
4 hours on Tuesday

Wouldve done more, but my body was SO worn.

The convention was loads of fun.
NO ONE from here said hi! losers. hahahah
See you next year
(IM BACK IN CHICAGO!!!)

Read more...Collapse )
...and he thinks they, I, and everything else, are just "fine".


YOU ARE A GOOF, mister.
And youd better beleive ill do it.

Also...
one point for me.







these are the reasons you like being you.
hah
no one will get that.


im totally going to delete this post within 12 hours.
WARNING: My ass, bare ass, is in this lj cut. If youre a family member...please...consider these things.

1. please dont think im getting into porn by posting my butt online. Thats just silly. And if you decide to show my mom (hi mom), let her know that im not doing any sort of porn. And that nudity is okay.
2. If you dont want to see my tush, dont click the link, and you wont. I dont think its weird if you see my tush. Because its just my butt. And its for the sake of showing my tattoo. THE END


To everyone else........enjoy.

this was so much easier just to Xpost a million timesCollapse )

New tattoo work.

Its been FOREVER. since late October, actually. But i finally got work done. my left leg. It was amazing.



Things ARENT doomed?

After reading some comments on myspace to someone else, from someone else...that make my heartache, and an embarrasing, shameful find made by Kent Ward, i went a little nuts the other night. I ran home, started choppin' at my mane of hair and then hopped in the bath and ran the hot hot water until all i got was ice cold water.
Somehow things got better, a lot better. Still embarrased, but trying to recover...im still pretty happy.
For those of you who wanted to see the pictures from the shoot ive been raving about (photos by Kent Ward):

















Maybe youve heard of him...

...but probably just from me.

He's been the name that floats in my brain when taking a bath, doodling a silly cartoon, and eating pizza rolls with ranch sauce. Romantic huh?

Well...really...no.
Basically i dont think of him that often, and that neurotically, but he is pretty significant. My family is curious. He wants to meet my mom, but of course i didnt tell HER that.
Weird.
Anyway,
He used to be a DJ in NYC and in Denver. He was pretty big. He was even featured in Jive magazine. Its strange, he used to be a thuggums.
Anyway, his name is Avery, Avery Fantom. Occasionally ill call him Mr. Fantom, because its just that ridiculous that i love it.
Moving on, images:
Avery in his thuggin DJ days...


Avery on my bed the other day. Not exactly flattering, but whatever....

hes really well groomed. And has good fashion sense, dont let the first picture fool you.

Ill have new pictures up soon, but better ones, trust me. Were a handsome couple.
He said it first. So shut up.
Weird.
Couple.
I hate him because hes horrible, but hes only horrible because hes wonderful.


Dont worry, my head is STILL on my shoulders, i understand that it may...and probably wont work out...but im taking it as it comes.

p.s. My model name will make you laugh. its Parrish. I have like...3 shoots set up for the remainder of this month.
hahahahah RAD.


(this is the DEEPEST entry ive ever made.....hahah)

This is how it should be...

Right now, it all comes together.

RIGHT NOW.


I had thought that all i needed in life in order to be fulfilled and happy was to love someone, and have them love me back. More precisely i beleived that i needed to be in love with someone who was in love with me. I think ive just learned that that sort of thing is just something that makes life just that much sweeter.
Afterall, icing a rotting cake doesnt do much but hide the problem.

Ive lost any assurance for what i wanted for my future. Sure, i know that i want to go to school, earn a degree or two, and eventually make a career in the arts. But did i beleive that i could actually do it? For awhile there, i certainly didnt think i could. I dont know exactly what it was that made me lose faith in myself, it couldve, and probably was, a number of things. What I do know is that i lost myself completely.

I started absorbing myself in my relationship because it was the only thing in my life that i had confidence in, and thats a TERRIBLE state to be in. I was able to make a thousand distractions within my relationship that made it easy to completely disregard any responsibility for my life, or for myself. It wasnt fair to anyone.

With the relationship behind me, i was able to start facing the truth, slowly. For a week ive been saying to myself, and to everyone around me, "Okay, im single, but in love...and that's really okay." And i really WAS okay. I was able to come to grip with a few things, and spend time with some people that are definately positive influences in my life.

But holycow, i did NOT suspect something like this to happen. I was watching mean girls, and when i realized that it was 5 am and i was still wide awake (suprise, suprise), i started working on some art thing id been doing. I was thinking, and it all hit me at once. everything you just read hit me. At first i was just sitting there doing art, getting excited that i had come to some great conclusion, and then i got more and more excited. I stopped drawing. I couldnt stop smiling. then i started writing...as i wrote, the more i realized and the more alive i started feeling. I am SO alive right now, im more motivated and inspired than ive been in a very very very veerrrrrrry long time. And its incredible.

I dont know when i started dying, but i do know that after awhile id do the usual self reflection...and id see that i was kind of rotting. And i ignored it. At one point I didnt care much about anyone but myself. I lied, a lot. I weaseled myself out of situations i really shouldve took to head on. I took shelter in the most shallow comforts. Clothes, Vanity, the power of Manipulation, Money. Money did not help AT ALL. I had started doing what my mother used to do. I tried to use material things to make myself feel better, to make people like me, trust me, I used THINGS as comfort. I had been so incredibly fake, all my words and all of my promises: empty. Its like the blood circulation had been cut off from most of my brain, id gone retarded.

Ive really not done any good for myself at all. Id had feelings that my "life was at a standstill". I was right, but i didnt realize that before coming to a stop, my life had taken a turn for the worse. Like ive said, it was NOT a pretty place.

So this is what im going to do. Im going to go to school, starting this week. Im going to get a job, even if it means working at starbucks. Want to know why? because i KNOW that its what i need to be happy. I need to make something of myself. Today it will make me feel good, and eventually, after a ton of good days, bad days, mediocre days, a few GREAT and HORRIBLE days, It'll pay off. Im going to live, and live right. Im going to start making real, sincere efforts and ill have something to show for it.

As much as Im in love with Ian, and undeniably I would love to be with him, I can really appreciate what being broken up has already done. He is a wonderful person, he made a really good call for the both of us. I would be lucky to have a relationship like ours again. But for now, that just cant happen. I doubt either of us knew what kind of an effect this would end up having on me. But I guess that's how life works, isnt it?